"God gave us our memories so that we may have roses in December.
~James Matthew Barrie
I recently attended a family reunion, otherwise known as the official event of summer. I would venture to guess that our family reunion was no different than one you may have attended this year: potato salad, at least three different varieties of baked beans and several jello concoctions. Our reunion had several new family members to pass around and there were a lot of photographs of grand and great-grandchildren to enjoy as well. Sadly, there were also several members no longer living, with their passing means the end of many wonderful family stories and, if you love genealogy, missing vital clues about your family's past.
As a family historian and the "keeper of everything" in my family, I cannot stress enough the importance of talking with our older relatives while they are still around. But what I find is often overlooked is the younger generations as they oftentimes know more or different snippets about the family. Grandparents often have more time to spend with their grandchildren than they did with their own children, so tales of their childhood and family may skip a generation.
Thank heavens for name tags!
I have yet to attend a reunion where I knew all the living relatives. It's possible to have a name or two of a distant relative but that may be all you know. However, it is possible that these are the very family members who hold the key to knowing more about your family and the keeper of your family stories.
How you approach your relatives depends on a number of different factors: How well do you know them? Where do they live? Are they active on the Internet? Do you prefer telephone conversations or writing? The choice is yours. I've had a fair amount of success with a combination of the telephone and writing.
If it is someone who lives out of the area, I will drop them a note introducing myself with a date and time when I will be calling. During the conversation I ask if I could send them a questionnaire about the family for them to complete and return, in a postage paid envelope.
The questionnaire is very simple and I try to keep it as brief as possible. I state what family question(s) I would like resolved. These questions are very specific: names, dates, places, etc. I also ask general questions: where did Uncle Delancey go to school or if he served in the military and what he may have done for a living.
Don't forget to ask if they know of any letters, photographs and, of course, that family stories do they recall?
Don't try to get too much information during your initial inquiry or you might put the relative off.
Be sure to emphasize that you merely want to fill in the blank spaces in your shared family history. This is not part of a scheme to cheat someone out of their inheritance but rather an endeavor that will help build an accurate picture of the family for posterity. Many people are understandably, protective of their own history and need to be reassured that what you are doing is not going to undermine that.
Stories and memories of events and people oftentimes contradict each other - including your own memories! A wise family historian will keep notes of where each piece of the information came from and will check everything in the records whenever they can.
Don't blindly dismiss those unlikely family stories. There may be a claim that the family descends from a famous person, such as Abraham Lincoln, but upon further investigation, you might discover your ancestor ran the Lincoln Hotel. Somewhere in the story is a grain of truth.
The important thing is to ask the questions while there is still time. Not only will you uncover a wealth of family history that may be 'new to you' but you will also have an opportunity to spend time with the elder members of your family. As they say, that's priceless.
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