Promises Made and Kept

Could there be anything that causes more guilt in adult children then ‘the promise’ that parents ask of us when they are usually in pretty good shape or at the end of their life. We agree to do what they ask, not thinking to far ahead. They may ask the promise of remaining in their home or to take care of their loved one when they pass.

It’s natural that we want to care for them. At first we figure we’ll stop over at the house and do what they need us to do. It’s kind of a pleasant way to help out, show our love, and share quality time. That can work for awhile but as years go by and care needs rise, we find ourselves faced with the facts that it is very difficult to raise our families, work our jobs, run to Mom and Dad’s everyday and meet their everyday needs. It is understandable to feel stress and anger that affects your health, and the feeling of not having control of your own life. 

With some guilt we start looking for other options, we may start with at home care giving. The guilt from someone who is not family hired to help and that is not what you intended. You were not trained to care give for your loved one; you can’t be there all the time. You have to do something knowing they will be safe and not alone all day.

Then the day comes where in-home care can’t handle all of their needs and their health issues. You know you have to break your promise, the one you agreed to. Our parents have visions of nursing homes of years ago. You will still be honoring the promise by choosing the best placement for your parent. Through thorough research and understanding there are alternative living arrangements like assisted living homes allowing your loved one to receive assistance with respecting there dignity and enhancing their quality of life. Even when your parents are placed in an alternative home, you are still a caregiver; they need you as their advocate.

The best part of this, you can let go of the guilt and enjoy them again. You aren’t doing everything for them, and you aren’t to worn out to be pleasant, you can be the person who visits, without all the exhaustion that used to make you feel frustrated and angry. Using the help of a good facility providing them with the best care humanly possible allows you to do it without guilt because you have done your best. You will continue to do your best honoring ‘the promise’ of taking care of your parents or parent.